Winter’s Bounty

Roasted fingerling potatoes, radishes, baby turnips, carrots and shallots. Served with a tarragon viniagrette [extra-virgin olive oil, chopped fresh thyme, salt, pepper, tarragon Dijon mustard, herb white wine vinegar].

Mirror Checklist

Having a “boyfriend checklist” means that any potential soulmates/dating partners should know exactly what they’re going to get.

This is harder than it sounds on paper. How do you make a list of your flaws while being honest and hoping that most of your readership won’t sigh with disgust?

On the other hand, you have to wonder what Frodo might have done if he knew ahead of time what lay in store for him when Gandalf sent him packing.

Without further adieu, here is Spamwise in all his naked glory…

Caveat Emptor

1. I haven’t gone on a date in over seven years. There’s a story there but I haven’t yet decided if I want to write about it here. Some of you might have guessed the reason based on comments I’ve left elsewhere though. Maybe I will, one of these days. I disclosed it before settling down to write the rest of the list, then decided that it’s probably not a good idea at the present time, so I went back and erased it and put this instead. Reason #1 is true by the way, and derived in part because of the original entry.
2. I am not particularly neat or tidy.
3. I do not clean my apartment obsessively. If you employed the “white glove test” as my CC was fond of when I was in the Navy, I would fail miserably.
4. I’m skinny.
5. My favorite color is black.
6. I REALLY like Pink Floyd. To some people, my musical tastes are dated.
7. I REALLY like U2. To some people, my musical tastes are pedestrian.
8. I don’t have many data points that most gay men my age possess. For example, at the last NYC GB gathering, Mark exclaimed with some incredulity that I didn’t know what tupperware parties were.
9. I tend to be soft-spoken.
10. If you didn’t hear me the first time, I will resent repeating myself.
11. I tend to be hyper self-critical.
12. In the presence of a large number of strangers, it takes forever for me to open up and relax.
13. I don’t go to bars.
14. I don’t go to clubs.
15. I don’t know how to dance.
16. I don’t know how to drive a car.
17. I don’t know how to skate.
18. I’ve never learned how to ride a bike.
19. My singing skills are nonexistent.
20. Being the center of attention makes my throat go dry. On the other hand, I secretly crave adulation. Weird, huh?
21. I talk in my sleep.
22. I snore.
23. My teeth are not exactly good-looking.
24. Contact lenses scare the bejesus out of me.
25. If something would happen that would conflict with my workout, I will let it fall by the wayside. The gym comes first.
26. My humor tends to the dryer end of the spectrum.
27. If you joke, I will miss it by a mile.
28. If I could choose my mother, she would be Maureen Dowd.
29. If you ask for my opinion, you should be prepared to receive it in spades.
30. Even if you didn’t ask for it, be prepared to get it anyway.
31. Formal situations make me uncomfortable.
32. Yes, my clothes come from The Gap.
33. Yes, my wardrobe is not particularly fashionable.
34. Did I mention that black was my favorite color? That’s because it’s so easy.
35. Also, earth tones and solids are best. I rarely wear patterns or colors with names like teal and fuschia.
36. I don’t particularly like beer, though I’ll drink it if it’s in front of me.
37. I’ve never gotten drunk and the thought of being inebriated scares the hell out of me.
38. I have never understood the point of being fucked. It sure feels nice though.
39. There are people who think the world of Olive Garden. I am not one of them.
40. I don’t own a cellphone and have no interest in getting one.
41. I don’t own an iPod and have no interest in buying one.
42. Whatever I might have said about Madonna, there’s no denying that she possesses talent.
43. The same cannot be said of Britney Spears however.
44. Ditto for Beyonce.
45. I have long legs and like to use them. Slow walkers annoy me.
46. Tourists are a necessary evil in New York, but honestly, would it hurt for them to walk just a little bit faster?
47. I use the words “um” and “like” a lot. I’m getting better though.
48. I don’t hold a pencil like most people do.
49. I’ve forgotten how to use chopsticks and have no desire to relearn that skill.
50. Although people find David Letterman funny, I think he’s just a braying jackass.

Well, that was strangely therapeutic. I think I’ll go take a nap now.

Election 2008: John McCain

If the 2008 presidential election were held today, Senator McCain (R-Ariz.) could easily fill the shoes of our Imperial President. He shares an astonishing number of characteristics with his counterpart. They both tend to shoot off their mouths, they’re both lifelong Republicans and they’re both prominent hawks when it comes to foreign policy.

This preview post could easily fill an entire page with respect to McCain’s politics. I’m not going to get into that however. Other writers have presented the issues pro and con more eloquently than I. Instead, I’m going to focus on two areas of interest that have relevance to me.

Do we really want to elect a President who acts like a juvenile in a cowboy hat?

* * *

“I hate the gooks”

During his campaign for President in 2000, Mr. McCain openly used the word “gook” to describe his treatment at the hands of his captors during the Vietnam War. Though he issued an official apology soon afterwards [and then only because of intense criticism from the Asian-American community in California], don’t you think it might’ve been better if he’d never expressed himself in that manner to begin with? Does racism become a President? It’s like Senator Macaca all over again, albeit eight years ago.

Senator, I’m an American first and Asian second. While you may have apologized, some of us feel that your apology is insincere. You did so only in response to public pressure. Imagine if you had used a racial slur for an African-American or a person of Hispanic descent. You would’ve kissed your political career goodbye. But somehow, bigotry against Asians is acceptable because you were a POW?

Your use of the word “gook” has connotations beyond its immediate meaning. It’s an expression used with sad effect against Asians of all backgrounds and heritages. When a slur is uttered, the speaker inflicts harm not just against an individual but an entire society.

Senator, people have long memories. It is my sincere hope that your words will come back to haunt you when you least expect them.

* * *

Suspension of Habeas Corpus

Senator McCain authored a compromise that effectively made it possible for the Military Commissions Act of 2006 to be passed into law. After His Imperial Excellency signed it, he appended a signing statement that rejected the compromise.

I’ve blogged about the MCA before, so I won’t rehash old material. I will say that at the very least, the poor exercise in judgment that Mr. McCain has demonstrated regarding the sanctity of one of our most cherished rights in our society should give Americans pause. Whether voters will care is another story. Our continued paralysis in the face of this administration’s actions calls that question into doubt.

Next: Ron Paul

On The Nature of Role Playing

Those of us who are gamers sometimes grope for words or explanations comprehensible to laymen who might not understand what it means to participate in a D&D game.

You do what? Roleplay? Is that like, you know, a form of sex?

Hopefully these posters can provide a bit of insight. The last guy I dated actually thought that “one-handed bastard sword” meant the same thing as a latex toy. I can see how he might have thought that, but honestly dear, that’s a bit of a stretch.

Phone Calls

A couple of replies really got to me as a result of this rant. I have to confess I didn’t give it much thought [well, not as much as I'd have liked] BUT I did call Mom twice this weekend. As it turns out, she was in Florida visiting one of my cousins. I have a huge extended family across two continents and probably 50 to 80 people divided among four generations, but that’ll be the subject of another post.

She called me back last night. As far as conversations went, it was relatively vanilla. But then, when aren’t they? How’s work, am I doing well, am I still in the same apartment, am I taking care of myself, etc. etc. We have almost nothing in common. She has my family [who I barely know, and that's a soap opera in and of itself], but doesn’t want to hear a thing about my gay life. I told her the last time we spoke, “your son doesn’t share the same values you do, so stop harping on them!”

We spoke for probably ten minutes. It wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. Our conversation didn’t devolve into another shouting match. Then, she said something liike, “Well, if you ever decide to call me, I’m always available.” Shades of the parable of the Prodigal Son! It seemed innocuous and I’m hoping she wasn’t preaching but there’s some part of me that always seems to read too much into things, especially where my mother is concerned.

[sarcasm alert] I love Catholic Asian Moms. [/sarcasm alert]

God forbid I start dating someone. What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall to hear THAT conversation.

In the Style of Amatrice

This is an adaptation of a recipe for bucatini alla matriciana (or all’amatriciana), that is as it is prepared in Amatrice, a small village in the province of Rieti. Originally a dish from the Abruzzi region, it’s one of the most important dishes of Roman cuisine and is quite well-known among Italian gastronomic specialties in general.

Spaghetti alla amatriciana

cooked whole wheat spaghetti
bacon (1)
onion, chopped
chopped tomatoes (2)
red pepper flakes
salt, to taste
Italian parsley
grated cheese

Cook bacon over medium-high heat until cooked through. Remove from pan and reserve drippings.

Saute onion in bacon drippings until golden brown, about 2-3 minutes. Add tomatoes and a pinch of red pepper flakes. Simmer over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally or until sauce thickens slightly, about 5 minutes. Return bacon to pan and cook for an additional 30 seconds to 1 minute. Check seasoning.

Drain pasta, add directly to saute pan and toss. Sprinkle with chopped Italian parsley and grated cheese, and serve immediately.

Notes:

1. I used bacon from Flying Pigs Farm, but you can substitute store-bought bacon. Since FPF produces uncured/non-preserved bacon, I’ve increased the salt accordingly. In Italy, the cured meat used for this dish is pork cheek (guanciale) rather than pancetta or prosciutto.

2. Pomi vacuum packed tomatoes are de rigueur in Spamwise’s kitchen once winter hits. Otherwise, use fresh ripe tomatoes if you can. If you prefer your sauce smoother, pass the tomatoes through a food mill before adding them to the saute pan.

Boyfriend Checklist

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now. Apologies to David for stealing his idea.

What Spamwise Looks For In Elves, Dwarves and Men

1. He must be intelligent and articulate.
2. He must have an appreciation for good food [although he does not have to be a foodie].
3. He must have respect for geeks. They rule the world and they’ve triumphed over those silly high school jocks.
4. He must be emotionally mature and in touch with his feelings. Romance is not a dirty word.
5. He must be aware of the meaning behind a light blue hanky and a dark blue hanky.
6. He must have a sense of humor. Smile a little, laugh a lot.
7. He must never mix the soy sauce with the wasabi. California rolls are an abomination best left hidden.
8. He must not be a Republican. Or a libertarian.
9. He must understand the difference between role-playing games/RPGs and roleplaying situations. One of these things has nothing to do with the other.
10. He must know how to kiss, and not like a pez dispenser.
11. He must be compassionate.
12. He must know what he wants out of life. It’s fine to be aimless when you’re a twenty year old Young Thing, not so much when you’re in my age range.
13. He must not be a one note top. It’s all about the motion of the ocean.
14. He must not be a pushy bottom. Good sex is like Torville and Dean’s Bolero.
15. He must be gainfully employed.
16. He must not be a butter nazi. Fat equals flavor.
17. He must know the difference between Barthes and Sartre and be prepared to defend one over the other.
18. He must like old movies.
19. He must know who Jack Kirby and Frank Miller are.
20. He must have some appreciation for Barry Manilow.
21. He must not mix up Olivia Newton-John with Jane Fonda.
22. Opera is not a foreign language.
23. A penis is not a weenie. Don’t give your dick a pet name unless it’s extraordinarily special, if you know what I mean.
24. “Toned” does not exist in his lexicon. He doesn’t have to be a meathead but he should recognize that one goes to the gym to lift, not to “tone up”.
25. He must not take over the bed when we’re sleeping.
26. He must like to take showers, but not obsessively.
27. He must recognize that musical genius did not begin with Madonna.
28. He should tell me to shut up when I get hysterical.
29. He must be courteous and polite. Always let a woman exit an elevator first, always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and NEVER talk about your ex[es] on the first date, among other things.
30. He must not express incredulity at my lack of knowledge of pop culture.
31. Books are not meant to be wall decorations.
32. He shouldn’t be as serious as I am.
33. John Belushi and Jay Leno ARE NOT the same person.
34. He must read at least one newspaper. Sorry, but the N.Y. Post does not qualify. Ditto for the Daily News.
35. He must not watch The Food Network. Or if he does, he must recognize that Bobby Flay can’t cook jackshit.
36. He must not be half my height.
37. He must have a reasonably well-kept appearance.
38. He must be self-confident. “Dominant” and “masculine” are not words in his vocabulary. Those qualities are self-evident in his nature without him having to say so.
39. He must like to wear sneakers.
40. He must be a fan of public transportation.
41. He must not equate New York City with Sodom-on-the-Hudson.
42. He must be able to be flamboyant. Get in touch with your inner Ethel.
43. He must like holding hands in public.
44. Being gay is a part of him but he doesn’t wear it on his sleeve.
45. He must be a good listener, in addition to being able to communicate effectively.
46. He must be a good person. Put it another way: you don’t have to be spiritual to be religious, but you can’t have religion without spirituality.
47. He must be able to go from Water Music to wild child in under five seconds.
48. He must not be provincial.
49. He must not have a cell phone. Or if he does, he should be patient with me because I am cellphone-less.
50. Barbra is a goddess. That is all.

Maybe I’m being too exclusive with these requirements. Oh well, there’s always Craigslist.

Menage a Trois

Sunday morning at B Bar in the East Village.

Savoy

Pork belly, Asian pear, celery root, smoky rogue “blue” cheese

2004 Jean Gervais Bordeaux

Braised lamb shank, picholine olive tapenade, spice-roasted cauliflower, lamb jus

Broccoli rabe sauteed with garlic and lemon

Pumpkin bread pudding, cranberry compote, cranberry ice cream

2006 Vinlan Ice Wine, Finger Lakes, New York

Chefs Peter Hoffman and Susan Rosenfeld opened Savoy in 1990 with a simple premise in mind — to create delicious and memorable meals by sourcing the best ingredients from local farmers in the tri-state area. Rated two stars in 1995 by Ruth Reichl, then main restaurant critic for the New York Times, the restaurant lies off the beaten track in terms of New York City’s food scene. The food at Savoy embodies the style of cuisine practiced at other temples of market cooking such as Blue Hill and Chez Panisse.

Out of 10? A moderate range 7. Crispy pork belly salad started the meal off on a strong note. Nuggets of pork belly stood in perfect contrast when paired against a smoky rogue “blue” cheese and slices of Asian pear. Braised lamb shank was wonderfully tender, almost falling off the bone though the roasted cauliflower that it came with could’ve used a touch of salt. Broccoli rabe was a tad undercooked; if it was sauteed with lemon, I couldn’t taste any hint. Pumpkin bread pudding had no “wow” factor and the accompanying compote needed something to take the edge off.

I want to love Savoy. I’ve heard so much about this restaurant from ardent followers of Chef Hoffman’s food. It’s not that I don’t appreciate his style of cooking. It’s that the food seems perfectly fine — and yet I get the sense that it could be so much more.

Savoy is located at 70 Prince Street [Crosby Street] in SoHo.

Sometimes The Spaghetti Likes To Be Alone

For Eric, just to show I’m not a prejudiced carnivore.

Thanks for your comments from a couple days ago, folks. I really appreciate it.

There’s a scene in the movie Big Night where a diner requests a side order of spaghetti with a plate of risotto. The backstory is that the movie is set in New Jersey, in the late 1950’s when the U.S. was just awakening to the possibility of knowing good food, beyond the usual tired culinary genres.

“She wants starch with starch?” –Primo

Sometimes the spaghetti likes to be alone, and sometimes it wants to be paired with its complement. That’s what last night’s dinner is all about.

Mujadara

5 onions, sliced thinly
1 c. lentils, soaked and drained
1 c. long-grain white rice
3 c. water
olive oil
salt, to taste
ground cumin, to taste
chopped fresh parsley

Saute onions and cumin in olive oil until golden brown, about 15-20 minutes. Adjust seasoning. Divide in half.

Cook lentils and rice together, along with half of the fried onions. Add water as needed. Cover and simmer for 30-35 minutes on low heat, stirring occasionally, or until water is absorbed.

Serve with remaining fried onions and parsley for garnish.

Traditionally, mujadara is also accompanied by either yogurt or chopped tomatoes and a green salad.