I was diagnosed with HIV in December 2003. The news struck me with the force of a sledgehammer. You cannot imagine what it’s like living with a disease that has no cure. Although I am thankful that I have had relatively few side effects and afflictions in the past five years, the psychological toll is immeasurable. It is beyond crushing.
I do try to take care of myself. I eat right, maintain my weight as best as I can and workout (although that’s fallen by the wayside recently). More importantly, I try to keep a positive attitude. I try to focus on things I can control instead of the unknown.
My future is one of great uncertainty. I know that a long time down the road my immune system will cease to function. The medical cocktails I take on a daily basis are instrumental in improving my present quality of life. I can only hope that at some point in the future, perhaps one or two years from now, or more likely in the next twenty years, that a vaccine will become available to every individual afflicted with this most terrible of diseases.
And thus my blog. As I said, I try to focus on a positive attitude. One of the things that continues to give me immense pleasure is food — be it cooking and eating, or being with a community of like-minded people and friends. A year and a half ago, I had dinner at Blue Hill Stone Barns. My experience was magical. It was then that I decided to seize the opportunity to focus on the beauty in the world around us, beauty that many people take for granted or don’t really think of beyond what’s for dinner.
I started an experiment in February 2008. I decided that I would eat and cook more seasonally and locally, with an eye towards freshness and quality. In turn, that helped stimulate my creativity and expanded my culinary skills. It also increased my environmental awareness and established an indirect connection to the land. It allowed me to look forward, not just from day to day but throughout the year, as the seasons progressed and the leaves changed color. In this way, it’s helped me cope with living with my condition.
Oh, I won’t try to whitewash life as a poz person. The psychological burden is ever-present. I still have occasional bouts of night sweats and long periods of depression and self-doubt. But the picture is less bleak these days. I’d like to think that my change in lifestyle has a tremendous and positive impact.
I turn 40 in 20 months. I know I’m looking forward to that milestone.

Ramps

Rotini with slow-cooked ramps
A variation of a classic Italian preparation involving pasta with garlic, greens and peperoncini, this version uses ramps, olive oil, red pepper flakes and salt to form a luscious sauce that hints at the arrival of spring.
2 bunches fresh ramps, cleaned and trimmed
extra-virgin olive oil
a pinch of red pepper flakes
a pinch of kosher salt
pasta secca — I used rotini but penne, linguine or orecchiette will do
grated Parmigiano-Reggiano or pecorino cheese
Separate bulbs from leaves and reserve both.
Combine ramp bulbs, olive oil and a scant cup of water in a medium skillet or saute pan. Cover and cook over low heat until bulbs are soft, about 8 to 10 minutes. I’ve left off proportions as I rarely cook from exact measurements. Figure 1/4 cup olive oil and 1/3 as much water. Since I’m cooking for one, quantities won’t be as much as if I were cooking for a crowd. Add the red pepper flakes and cook, stirring frequently, about 30 seconds to 1 minute.
Add the ramp greens along with a pinch of salt and a couple of tablespoons of water. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, until the greens are softened completely and the water has mostly evaporated, about 5 minutes. Set pan aside.
Prepare pasta; drain, reserving a ladleful of pasta cooking water. Add pasta and pasta cooking water to ramps. Toss to coat. Check seasoning. Serve immediately, passing cheese at the table.
This is wonderful with toasted herbed breadcrumbs in place of cheese. Use a loaf of stale Italian bread or a baguette. Tear or break bread into coarse pieces and crumbs. Heat olive oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Add breadcrumbs, an anchovy fillet and some minced garlic and fry, stirring constantly until crumbs are golden, about 4 to 5 minutes. Watch closely, taking care not to burn the crumbs or they will become bitter. I like to add some chopped Italian parsley at the last minute.
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